3b. Transformation

          A post on transformation just would not be effective without showing change.  So before I reminisce on the end of the second year, I want to first share my thoughts from the end of my first week of school as written on my blog what seems like a lifetime ago.

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          Woah!  I am still alive!!!  So my first week went a thousand times better than I expected.  I have 6 classes and about 100 students per day.  At the beginning of the week, I only had two students that gave me trouble (both in my 5th period class) but one of them switched out of my class so now I only have one problem student (and boy is he stressful).  However a lot has gone well. The rest of my classes have been going rather smoothly.  We spent the first 4 days going over procedures and then spend a day on the pre-test and finished off Thursday and Friday with actual Biology.  The students seem to be taking to me rather well and I have not had any major problems so far.  So as far as things going well, I have a short list.  I made my seating charts by putting the students in alphabetical order and they seem to be working very well.  The students seem to be taking the information in very well and they are keeping up with their interactive science notebooks (they went way better than I thought they would).  Overall, I am already loving a majority of my students.  I have a darling picture of my 4th period class (my current favs) but, unfortunately, I left my phone at school and will have to add the picture to the blog tomorrow morning.

          There are some areas I need to improve.  I need to use my consequences more now that we are starting the Biology material.  My procedures week included a lot of group work and me giving the students time to settle in.  I need to now be consistent and make sure that the students are gaining information.  I have not experienced many problems (aside from my 5th period).  Speaking of my 5th period, I need to find a way to deal with my terror child.  He just does stupid things and does not want to listen.  He asked me to go to the nurse the first day he came to class because HE SWALLOWED A MILK CAP at lunch.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I was out of words.  Now he constantly just wants to not do his work and be the center of attention.  He told me that he is moving out of West Point, and I really hope that he was not lying; the kid is the sole reason I do not look forward to 5th period.  He was absent on Friday and the 5th period class was just as productive as my other classes.  It made me realize how much one student can disrupt a learning environment.

          The reality surprisingly exceeded the expectation.  My kids have been listening to me and doing well on their assessments.  I actually look forward to the school days rather than dread them.  I feel fully prepared to take on the year and that was not a feeling I expected to have.  I realized that the days seem to go much faster as a teacher than they seemed to when I was a student.  There is a lot of support from other teachers and the children look up to those that show they care.  I feel as if I am in control of my classrooms and I am hopeful that I can maintain a respectful, positive learning environment.  I actually look forward to the coming weeks and to see what God has in store for my students, the school, and me.

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          Part of me misses the girl from that blog.  She was optimistic, enthusiastic, and she actually though her students were going to stay that calm.  She believed in something that was not realistic, but it made her happy to think about it.  She was still at a point of being stress free.  Teaching was the easiest thing ever.  That all changed a few weeks later.  The kids talked over her.  She couldn't get through a lesson.  She cried a lot.  She just wanted to teach, but couldn't control the children.  She kept thinking, and still thinks "why can't the children control themselves?"  She faced reality, grew up, and became a much better educator in her second year.  She got a dose of reality and became me: a woman who is still optimistic and believes in the abilities of students, but realizes that one year cannot change more than a decade of a certain lifestyle, but is willing to try to make small changes in the lives of the children in her classroom, hoping the changers impact their lives in a positive way.

          This year has been incredibly challenging, but in a much different way than last year.  Last year, I was trying to keep up.  I was putting all my effort toward pacing, content, and teaching but failing because my lack of ability to manage time, manage resources, and manage classroom behavior.  Last year was challenging because I was the one being challenged.

         This year, I am challenging the students.  I am holding them accountable for their actions.  I am motivating them to care about their grades.  I am attempting to stay up to date on my grading and manage my time.  Am I doing a perfect job?  Absolutely not.  I make mistakes daily, and sometimes hourly.  I stumble, I forget things, I fall behind, and I fail completely sometimes.  However, I know that my worth is not defined by a day's lesson.  I know that I am capable.  I have to confidence now to know that I can bounce back from bad days.  I do not have the management issues that I faced last year.  I am much more capable of setting expectations for student behavior and re-directing behavior I do not want in my classroom.  My students respond to me better, and due to this, I am better able to teach the biology content.

         I am a better teacher than I was.  I still have a lot of growth ahead of me, but I can acknowledge that I have grown an incredible amount in a very short time.  I am proud of that.  I am proud of what I have accomplished throughout this program.  More than anything, I am proud of the students that I had the privilege to teach, both in West Point and in Clarksdale.  If given the choice, I would go though this program all over again, and again, and again.  My life has been altered in a positive way.  My eyes have been open to a different lifestyle and culture.  My point of view has grown to include view points that I would not have previously considered.  Teaching in Mississippi has made me a better person, and a part of my heart will always be with the students that I was blessed to have taught, even if it was just for a little while.

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